Mini Ep. 5 - Five Things I've Learned This Year
This week marks the one-year anniversary of Forties Stories! Woo hoo! So, I wanted to jump in here with a mini-episode about what I’ve learned this year. This project has been a real journey for me and I know many of you have been there every step of the way, for which I’m truly grateful. If you are new to the show, welcome. It’s great to have you here, and I look forward to hearing what’s important to you at this stage in your life.
What I’ve learned…
I’ve been reflecting on this year and these lessons have been the ones that were reinforced and the ones that are the most meaningful to me.
1. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is hard (forever!)
This hardly seems like a lesson. I mean REALLY. We’re all used to a lot of cheerleading around this idea – which can diminish the effort required to do this. It’s easy to wade in to new waters with a toe, but then we often find we’re scared of diving in. And, who wouldn’t be.
What we need, more than cheerleading, is sustained support. We’ve heard it mentioned in several episodes that we need to ask for help – even when it’s uncomfortable or when we fear that our struggles aren’t as challenging as others, and therefore not worthy. It may take us awhile to find a tribe, even a small one.
I’ve learned that when you’re out of your comfort zone, it helps to acknowledge even the tiniest steps forward because inevitably it’s not a linear path forward. Over this past year, I’ve taken two steps forward, and one step back. I mention it because it may not be apparent.
Once we’re on a new path, we see even more doors that we might want to open. That takes us out of comfort zone again. I don’t think there’s an easy answer, which is why we all just need to move forward as best as we can. I’m so inspired by all of these stories of everyday women doing awesome things, but also talking about how it took a long, winding path, a leap of faith, or a loss to get there.
2. Chipping away at goals is progress.
I am determined to get to my goal of having 40 interviews. I started off with a weekly show, but it was too much for me, so now I release two a month. Except, I haven’t done that this year because I took on a bit too much this year.
I have to continually remind myself that I’ve gotten this far, when I’m doubting or being too hard on myself.
I’ve done the show through a bout of anxiety, which I’ll talk about more on a future episode. The reason I’ve gotten any of it out is because I’ve prioritized having it done over being perfect. I’ve let procrastination keep me stuck for years, and I was just tired of it. I want to create a great show and have high standards, but those standards are no longer perfect. I’ve mentioned this before, but every single episode has contained grammatical errors. There are questions I wish I’d asked. I’ve grown in public, which can be painful if I think about it for too long.
One of my favorite motivators is a line by Jeff Haden who said that “choosing the pain of regret is not easier than the pain of discipline.” That keeps it in perspective for me.
3. Mindset is everything.
The idea of mindset has come up over and over again in these episodes. I talked about Carol Dweck’s work on how a growth mindset can improve your life on the mini-episode on self-compassion. So many guests have said that a growth mindset has shifted their thinking in positive ways.
It is so important, and not always easy.
Meditation helps me as does bringing awareness to my thoughts so I can stop any negative loops. It helps to remind yourself that you are not your thoughts, so you can stop judging yourself.
Journaling and therapy are also good tools. I hope you’ll check out the self-compassion episode if you haven’t yet or if you need a refresher.
We all need to be our own best friend. As the Dalai Lama says, “In the beginning is you, in the middle is you, and in the end is you.”
4. Midlife is a time for fun.
This one is a bit hard learned. But, we need to make time for fun, even when things are challenging. What brings us joy? How can we laugh more? How can we bring lightness to our lives? So often we adopt what others think is fun.
In midlife, it’s a chance for us to own who we are and what drives us—what is in our heart. Sometimes it can be looking back to childhood for clues, or being open to trying new things.
It definitely is tied to mindset. How are we viewing fun? Are we condemning something before we tried it? I will never forget the episode with Leah Carey, who went on a sexual journey in her 40s. I kept mentioning how hard it must have been – to step out of her comfort zone. But, then she reminded me that you work and growth can also be fun. I definitely don’t want to take the fun out of sex – you know.
Fun also shifts and we need to prioritize it like anything else. The most fun I have every day is with my family around the dinner table, where we all laugh and talk about ridiculous things. My oldest is a junior, so that will shift when he goes to college. When the youngest also leaves, it will look very different. How will I make time for fun in my life moving forward? I want fun to be expansive in my life.
5. Women’s voices matter more than ever.
One hundred years ago women garnered the right to vote after having to fight for it. We are seeing the representation of women more every year, but there is still much work to do.
Every one of us has the power to lift up women’s voices by speaking up ourselves and by amplifying the voices of other women. We also need to really listen to other women and encourage them to speak up.
Storytelling keeps us grounded and connected. Especially when things are tough.
These are evergreen stories. Those of us in our 40s now are Generation X, but the oldest Millennials are about to turn 40. I have heard from women in their 30s and 50s say that these episodes reflect their lives too. I truly believe that we need to stop silencing ourselves.
On the flip side of that, we’ve talked about listening to others with grace and compassion, even when we can’t relate. The more we listen with curiosity and not judgement, the safer we make it for women to tell their truth. Many of my guests have been quite nervous about telling their stories, which may or may not be readily apparent.
I hope, if anything, that this podcast offers you a bit of freedom and inspiration to speak up in small and big ways that are meaningful to you.
I hope you’ll stay with me on this journey. I would love it if you would forward the show to a friend who might need it right now. It also helps more people find the show when you rate or review it – which takes less than one minute. I read every one and it really keeps me going. Thanks for listening!
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